As a foreigner, it’s impossible to live in China for any length of time and not develop some sort of Chinese New Year strategy.

Most, the rich and clever ones at least, leave the country. Getting the frack out well before the world’s largest human migration takes place and starts blowing shit up is ideal, but simply not practical for everyone – particularly those of us who have spouses that get all warm and fuzzy around the holiday.

Chinese New Year is, for all intents and purposes, the Christmas of the East. Warm familial gathers, gifts, crowded malls, last-minute shopping,…